Breaking the Silence Of Self-Injury

written by Vicki F. Duffy - copywritten material

The 'F' word is FORGIVE.

Forgiveness is my favorite topic to discuss for many reasons, but mostly because it provides freedom!

Forgive? What? Are you nuts??!! No, not nuts, just crazy about things that are good, and forgiveness is good! Yes, forgive.

Forgive yourself.
Be forgiving toward others.
Have forgiveness in your heart.

I believe that so many people tend to act as if saying "forgive" is an obscene word, one that we cannot say openly. In fact, for so many people, the thought of forgiving someone who hurt you is totally heart wrenching and sickening.

Over the years, a lot of hatred built up in me from those that hurt me and sexually abused me, and confusion toward those I felt didn't protect me. I actually got to the point where I was convinced that hating is what they deserved and although it ripped me apart inside, I felt it was justified. Within a year of me becoming a Christian, I forgave all of those that hurt me. Now, my forgiving came after years of turmoil in my life and so many years of holding onto the exact horrid memories of what people had done and what they had said to me.

Did I think it was possible to forgive? Nope.

Did it change my life? Yup, you betcha!

What is mind-blowing, is that until I became a Christian, I never considered forgiveness and it's amazing to think that I dwelled on hate (in my heart toward the people) for many years. I forgave all of those that hurt me, and for some of the people, it didn't happen until 21 years later! That is a long time to hold onto something like that. It's never to late to forgive someone, never too late to rid the hate, rid the sadness and hurt and receive peace and joy. I realized that I needed to forgive so I could go forward with my life, yes so I could go forward.

Forgiveness can be hard, especially if you have been abused, hurt, betrayed and/or lied to. However, no matter how you may feel, forgiveness is the key to opening that door that has been locked for a long time.

You may have gone through some horrible and traumatic things and you cannot ever see yourself forgiving that person or what he/she has done. You may feel that it is way too hard to forgive, and that may seem true at the moment; BUT you can forgive. Forgiveness is an act of your will. It is a choice to forgive someone. It's a good choice and it's also mercy.

Will: The mental faculty by which one deliberately chooses or decides upon a course of action

Choice: The act of choosing; selection. The power, right, or liberty to choose; option.

Now, forgiving someone (who hasn't changed their ways or is a dangerous person) doesn't mean that you continue a relationship with him/her or that you. You must guard your heart and although you forgive, it doesn't mean contacting the person or putting yourself in questionable circumstances. Forgiveness is for you, not the other person.

We all need to forgive: Forgive the person or people that have harmed you or abused you. If and when you continue to hold unforgiveness in your heart, it may be the very thing that ties the hands of God and keeps healing from being manifested in your body (or mind).

When you release that unforgiveness and forgive that person or those individuals that have hurt or abused you, and turn all of the past over to God, your healing will come!

Forgiveness is not justice

Justice: The upholding of what is just, especially fair treatment and due reward in accordance with honor, standards, or the law.

Forgiveness is mercy

Mercy: is a disposition to be kind and forgiving: a heart full of mercy. (leniency, clemency, charity) Humane and kind, sympathetic, or forgiving treatment. Mercy is compassionate forbearance.
Leniency and lenity imply mildness, gentleness, and often a tendency to reduce punishment.
Charity is goodwill and benevolence in judging others.

The key to healing; any kind of healing, weather it be emotional, physical or mental, can be forgiveness. We all need to forgive: forgive the person or people that have harmed you or abused you. If and when you continue to hold unforgiveness in your heart, it may be the very thing that ties the hands of God and keeps healing from being manifested in your body. Simply ask God to help you forgive.

Remember, you choose to forgive and let go of the unforgiveness you have clenched your hands on toward another person. When you release that unforgiveness that you've clenched onto for years, and forgive that person or those individuals that have hurt or abused you, and turn all of the past over to God, your healing will come!

You will know that you know that you know you have forgiven when you can talk about the person or situation without getting sad, angry or having visions of them being tortured. You will know you have total forgiveness when people bring up the person's name and you don't run out of the room, but have peace. You will know forgiveness has saturated your entire being when you start to have compassion on that person and find yourself praying for him/her.

Forgive, Forget, Move on may be a challenging concept for many, but It IS possible to FORGIVE & FORGET...when you truly forgive, you can forget. It may not be forget in the sense you don't ever remember, but forget in the sense that you have a peace and calm; when the name of the person/people, in...cident, or any reminders come up, you are not re-living it nor do you have those feelings of mis-trust, hate, rage, hurt, confussion, guilt, or dispair. You can truly move on and although you know the incident is in you memory, it is as if you are speaking of an experience not of your own, and it becomes dead to your emotions.

I realized that I needed to forgive so I could go forward with my life. If anyone has hurt you in any way, you may believe that forgiving those who hurt you is the most difficult thing you could do. And, it might be on your own, but with God, sure you can do it. Although you may think that forgiving someone is unfeasible right now, soon you will see that ALL things ARE possible.

Apply the 'F' word each and everyday, and you will be in good shape!